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Fighting for The Relationship

Here’s a really simple question that you can train yourself to ask, whenever you’re in a fight with your partner, “Am I fighting to win? Or am I fighting for the relationship?” Because if you’re fighting to win, you’re probably having a destructive conversation. Suddenly it’s not about what everybody needs or what both of you need. It’s about what you need and you want to get it and you’re ready to say things and do things to get back at the...

Relationship Coach

You Need A Relationship Coach

Another way of putting it is “couples therapy is not Wimbledon” The couples therapist is not there to go, “what do you think you should do?” Couples therapy is more like if you were...

Happy Relationship

Tools For a Happy Relationship

Back when I was getting into all this stuff in the late 60s and 70s, we thought the thing to do was to sit down. We thought that a really happy relationship was where...


Four Ways to Damage a Relationship

I always tell couples to look up John Gottman on the internet. We have links on our website. John Gottman has revolutionized couples therapy by studying thousands of couples. Basically, when couples damage a...

Skype appointments

Crazy Busy? Did You Know That We Offer Skype Appointments?

A lot of our clients are, how to put it, pressed for time. They often use terms like, “Hectic,” “Stressed,” and, “Crazy busy.” If Crazy Busy was a real diagnosis, we could say there’s...

successful therapy

Factors that predict successful therapy.

It’s Better If You Go For It. We know a ton about what makes therapy successful. For example, research has repeatedly found that, of all the factors that predict a successful therapy (like various...

tim edwards

Tim Edwards: The Coach From Down Under

When Tim Edwards grew up in Australia, somebody who said you were sensitive was challenging you to a fight. Tim was sensitive. He had to learn how to manage some very tough situations, without...

Doing Couples Therapy Like Sully Sullenberger

Sully Sullenberger was piloting an Airbus A320 with about 150 people sitting behind him when birds flew into both his engines, and suddenly he was dropping through the air in a silent airplane. What...


If You’re Not Doing This, You’re Having The Wrong Conversation

What you want to do is create an agreement with each other that when we’re starting to get escalated, an alarm goes off. You know,  “wait a minute, I want to have a conversation...


Micro-expressions: Reading the Truth in a Person’s Face

Ever wonder why someone seems nice, but you feel uncomfortable around them? Consider the possibility that negative emotions are “leaking” out of them in what researcher Paul Ekman terms, micro-expressions. Learning to read them...